Just in Case You Doubt Me

Here's a paragraph from an actual profile from one of those online services:

I can often be seen in public parks interpreting mime performances for the blind. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I write opera, I manage time efficiently. I am a test pilot for renovated WWII fighter planes and I am a consultant to the government of three South Pacific island nations. My bills are all paid on time. On weekends I make Jai Lai baskets with a group of orphans. I woo women with my sensuous trombone playing. I am an accomplished matador, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. During the summer months, to practice free rock climbing, I never use an elevator. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge. I have met the Dalai Lama and Mother Theresa and I can reconcile oxymorons. On the side of a Tibetan mountain, under the tutelage of a one hundred and six year old Buddhist monk and after a three month fast, I achieved Nirvana. I am an abstract painter and a concrete analyst. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy eveningwear. When I'm not doing these things, I'm usually at the feet of the girl I'm dating mkaing sure she has everything her heart desires. P.S. I am drunk as I'm writing this last paragraph. Lol.

Now really, what's not to love????