Sunday, July 23, 2006

Post Party Thoughts

I love it when you see people with new eyes. I'm taking responsibility in the change of view, because it's not really a matter of the person having been different when it was your thinking that caused you to define them.

Last night I saw a woman shine in ways I'd never seen before. She's so good at going with the flow that I didn't know she could handle the spotlight so well. She didn't demand it. She didn't steal it from someone else. And she was more than willing to share. But for a few moments, all eyes were upon her and she handled that responsibility with a finesse I didn't know she possessed.

I also saw a couple love. Not in a grand gesture kind of way. But nevertheless, the emotion I felt as I they simply touched each other's arms while exchanging abbreviated info (because lovers have their own language, don't they?) in a quiet conversation of not even a minute . . . it was grand. I wanted to stop the world for just a few more minutes and allow the intimacy to be acknowledged by the heavens.

So after last night -- which of course means I'm talking about this morning -- I woke up thinking of significance. I am coming to a place where I can accept that love between one singular individual and me and in the way that society accepts it may not be in the realm of the possibilities. Now, don't get all fretty on me. I don't mean that I don't experience love. I do and it's phenomenal that I can be accepted and embraced and truly loved by so many. But that's the downside of that word. "Love" isn't enough to convey all the variations we may mean. But if we're talking about one-on-one, let's spend the rest of the time we have with each other, you're the most important person in the world to me love -- well, I can't see that on the horizon for me.

And I'm truly ok with that because that whole thing is a mystery to me anyway. What I've realized that I want is significance. I don't want or need to be your "only" anything. Perhaps because I'm not that sure I can give it. But I do want to understand the significance of me in your life.

I don't have to be your best friend. But do you count on me as part of your first line of defense?
I don't have to be your wisest confidante. But does my opinion matter? and will you occasionally heed what I say?
I don't have to be the love of your life. But do you find pleasure in my being with you in this moment in time and will you remember me for always?

Last night I experienced a slight shift in significance. I saw a woman transformed and a couple unite. Neither happened before a crowd of witnesses. Yet something was added to my perspective and I was significantly impressed.

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