A first, a last and a new beginning

My first time
The bar was black
I crossed the line
I never looked back

The bar was black
Only movement could be sensed
I never looked back
I was simply convinced

Only movement could be sensed
Something sexual this way comes
I was simply convinced
Someone sexual this way stuns

Something sexual this way comes
Initially I choose not to see
Someone sexual this way stuns
Head down, remember to breathe

Initially I choose not to see
Images invade my space
Head down, remember to breathe
Friends vie to read my face

Images invade my space
Judgment is simply illusion
Friends vie to read my face
Every turn's an intrusion

Judgment is simply illusion
That’s not why I run
Every turn’s an intrusion
One’s sin is another’s fun

That’s not why I run
My leaving leads to a new start
One’s sin is another’s fun
Pain or pleasure? Trash or art?

My leaving leads to a new start
Blackness exists, but it’s not my home
Pain or pleasure? Trash or art?
Choices made, I’m not alone

Blackness exists but it’s not my home
Forward movement toward new light
Choices made, I’m not alone
Redefining wrong and right

Forward movement toward new light
Energized by the exit sign
Redefining wrong and right
My first time.

*This is a pantoum, a traditional form of poetry with abab rhyme pattern, numerous quatrains, and the first line of the current quatrain repeats the second line in the preceding and the third line repeats the fourth line of the preceding.