Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Want to See My Slides?

I know that there's truly nothing more entertaining than seeing slides of someone else's vacation. Think of it . . . an entire evening in half light with the chk, chk sound of the projector insuring you that indeed someone really would take that many photos of that particular thing and in that position and then print EVERY single one of them for you to endure . . . uh, I mean enjoy.

Having now indicated that I'm socially and culturally savvy enough to realize that if you continue reading you may be equally bored with my verbal snapshots, I will nevertheless share them. Because, hey, that's what vacations are for!

(Please insert the chk, chk sound between items for the full slide show effect. And for you literalists out there, no, there are not actually slides to be seen somewhere. There's nothing wrong with your computer. I'm simply using metaphor, ok?)

Let the show begin:
  • Here's one of J and I standing in the line for taxis from the airport. It stretched across 14 taxi stands, that's the length of more than 14 cars and it wound back and forth for five lanes. I had flashbacks to the rides at Disneyworld and wondered why we didn't have those neat TVs entertaining us while we waited. Then the Taxi Stand Manager got all "I'm only going to say this one time" on the crowd and things became a bit more amusing.
  • Here we are with one of the three Ethiopians we encountered during the weekend. Taxi driving is definitely a draw for our friends from Africa. But only the girl behind the Zumanity sales counter seemed remotely impressed that J and I had actually visited her country.
  • Yep, that's exactly what you think it is . . . a pyramid. We stayed in a pyramid. And we didn't ride elevators, no that would be too plebeian. We rode inclinators. I was inclined to tell them the whole "theme" thing could be taken too far, but I decided to ride it out.
  • My winnings started early on . . . a whole $8 at a two cent slot machine. Touch that, will you?
  • Before I move to the next slide, I'll warn you, it's not pretty. J got blisters. You try walking through the football field of our casino three or four times a day (do you know how many wrong turns you can make in a pyramid?) then making your way down the Strip and stopping in on every new themed way of housing beeping slot machines in a new pair of tennies and see if you don't come away with some Momma-sized babies on your tootsies! (What's that? You wouldn't wear new shoes on a vacation. Well, take that up with J. I'm just reporting the facts.)
  • Here's the Tropicana. Tacky just doesn't get any better than this, does it?
  • Here's the Siberian baton twirler stretching before his 11 a.m .free performance. We were sitting at the quarter slots at the foot of the "stage" entrance and engaged him in a limited English conversation about his ability to handstand horizontally on one hand -- which wound up being much more impressive than his actual performance.
  • I had to get a shot of the Hispanic men and women on the streets trying to give baseball cards to the men. Can't tell you how many times I heard one of the recipients say he was going home and creating a display of his numerous opportunities to call a "model" to his room. I even saw a couple of guys "trading" cards. Never actually saw the photos but I did see the free magazines offered in "newstands" on the streets and if those are any indication, there must be lots and lots of contortionists in Las Vegas for all those Cirque troupes to choose from!
  • Here's a yardstick tall margarita, followed by another drink in a Paris hot air balloon, and yet another in a replica of the Eiffel Tower. Free drinks, tall drinks, theme drinks . . . there may be a drought in Vegas but it has no effect on alcohol intake.
  • When you think of Vegas, don't you just automatically think of wildlife? Saw at least three tigers, two parrots, and any number of drunks while I was there.
  • Ahhhh . . . chocolate. Who knew they could fill four stories with M&M memorabilia. Oh, alright, make it three. The third floor was devoted to the Oscar-ready production of the case of the missing "M" and in 3D no less.
  • Here's one of the dancing fountains. I loved it when they used Faith Hill's "This Kiss" and choreographed full on water explosions at just the right spots.
  • Speaking of right spots . . . here's the whirlpool in the women's spa at the Luxor. Notice how I took extra care to hide the fact that swimsuites were optional here?
  • And here's one of the river stones that warmed my tensions right out of my back. Now this something I don't mind paying for by the hour.
  • Here's one of J getting carded at a show and a blackjack table.
  • Here's one of me not.
  • This is the line at the buffet, at another taxi stand, at the roller coaster ride, at the wildlife exhibit . . . all things I didn't do once I saw the line.
  • Oh, I love this one. It's the 10 ft tall glass flowers at the Bellagio. Omigosh, exquisite! Anyone who doesn't appreciate fine blown glass . . . well, I scoff at them!
  • Here's me looking for something to do to kill time until the next show. Yes, I succumbed to a slot machine. Yes, I put my money in. $5 as a matter of fact.
  • Here's me looking around to see if anyone is watching me win $800.
  • Here's J with her mouth open. She was on a quarter machine. I won on a penny one.
  • The next series is from the show Zumanity. Any children reading this blog should turn away from the screen at this point. We begin with the peep holes you could use as you walked through the lobby. Yes, there were photos on the other side. No, I'm not going to tell you of what.
  • Next there's the accented gentleman (from who knows where) who exclaimed that the beautiful women were making his ticket taking job very difficult. And that it pained him to have to give us away to his cohort who would show us our seats.
  • This is his cohort. No, I'm not taking this shot from a weird angle. The guy's a dwarf.
  • This is our seat in the theatre. Yes they were good. Yes we paid dearly. Yes, I found a way to sit by at least two of the gay guys in the audience.
  • Here's the two obese women in thongs and fishnets serving strawberries to the crowd. No, I'm not making this up. I don't have this kind of imagination.
  • And this is the lounge lizard who had scales on the back of his jacket. He liked to do things with his tongue.
  • There's the two women who swam in the champagne glass, the dancing gymnists who seemed to be doing a living illustration of all the Kamasutra positions, the blonde and the other dwarf who flew through the air on a ribbon, the nude comics with the strategically placed pom poms, the bodybuilders who wound up in a cage and ending up kissing, the blow up doll who came to life and lived up to her name, the drag queen emcee and all the audience members who wound up the butt of several jokes.
  • Here's the buffet at the House of Blues on Easter morning. I was all about the shrimp and salmon.
  • And here's a shot of our little bit of heaven that day. Koreans to the left of us, Russians to the right, and a little child leading us. Couldn't ask for a better reminder of the Kingdom.
  • Here's a shot of when we finally "crossed over to the dark side" and started playing blackjack. The casino actually felt darker, quieter around the tables. After my big win, we figured why not. Soon I had the answer. I walked away even at one point and the next day lost $50.
  • And this is us in yet one more line . . . at the airport on our way home. I'll forego the usual sunset over the wing shot. You'll just have to imagine that one.


Anonymous said...

I only have 2 things to say.

1. There are people out there who don't like glass? I don't believe you...how uncultured. I too scoff at them.

2. At least you were ABLE to use the inclinator. I'm sure you enjoyed your view from the 21ST FLOOR!! I know my awesome view from the 1st floor was pretty good.

Finding the Happy said...

Thanks for the slideshow...I had to put on my shades half way through the tour.

Jean said...

Oh My God, that was beautiful! I am one of those freaks who actually likes to look through friends slide shows and see what they experienced. This is, however, the best slide show ever! In my mind, as in reality, you are beautiful in every shot with a smile from ear to ear. And the clothes those people are wearing - wow, what were they thinking. I just watched a great movie in my mind and that one guy really needed to wash his hair and that drag queen is not allowed to look better in a dress than I do, and last, but not least - yes, people will look at you funny when you scream that loud. :-)