Thursday, July 07, 2005

Lines, Lines, Everywhere Lines

Oooooooh . . . there's that line again -- the one that pops up and makes you wonder if you should cross or not, the one that keeps some folks from ever seeing life from another perspective, and the one that insures others will leap without thinking and live to regret it -- you know . . . that line.

Right now, it's blurry for me. I'm having real trouble with the idea of self. Once upon a time, in my pro-propositional period*, I accepted as fact that the key to happiness was in the denial of said self, that to scale the mount of life on a higher plane one HAD to sacrifice all passions, desires, and dreams and take on the burden of others, of super-natural entities.

Now . . . well . . .

I wonder if I actually have to let go of all I've embraced that defines and delights me. Isn't it possible that perspective plays a role here? That balancing self and others is key? That "sacrifice" isn't so much a matter of release and a limitation but rather a inclusive act? Can't I open my arms wider and still hold on . . . without feeling "less than" in the process?

See? Very blurry!

(I was about to type "At least I know this . . . " but frankly, I don't know anything! So with a little editing . . . ) Here's where I think I am now: I have a purpose. I have some clues as to what that purpose is and that it includes good things for both me and others. Living out that purpose is not a burden, but a joy and a pleasure.

If that reeks of self-ness, so be it.

*PPP -- Eerily similar to a pre-menstrual period with symptoms such as anger deriving from an unidentifiable source, emotional outbursts for no apparent reason, and the absolute conviction that I'm totally in control of my life when all signs indicate otherwise.

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